Hey, Creeps! Happy Friday! I’m writing this in the midst of a snowstorm next to the warm glow of the flickering lightbulb that pretends to be my fireplace. I’ve been sort of luxuriating in the comfort of my little apartment during the winter holidays. This week, I watched a selection of movies based on the podcasts I’m currently listening to: Random Number Generator Horror Podcast No. 9 and Gaylords of Darkness. Back when I had a long commute, I could stand to listen to episodes about movies I hadn’t seen, but these days they just can’t hold my attention without anchors to something I’ve already watched. I watch a chunk of movies and then add the corresponding episodes to my list. Don’t question my methods. They bring me joy.
So, in chronogical order by date/time watched:
The Bye Bye Man – What in the frat bro gothic romance is this? Listen, I have a decent budget of tolerance for movies generally considered bad, but this just wasn’t it for me. I’m not even going to touch the plot itself – it was the character writing and relationships that really gave me the ick. Cressida Bonas’ character Sasha has no story beats or character traits that don’t relate to one of her male co-stars: She’s Elliott’s girlfriend, she maybe has a side thing with John, her hallucinations are John, she’s being possessed by TBBM… SHE DOES NOTHING BUT COUGH AND LOOK SAD. Meanwhile, her male co-stars go through the usual adventures of cursed protagonists (library, anyone?) so they can try to overcome the evil or whatever. Overall, it’s giving the fear that mental illness is contagious, the fear of losing your blonde girlfriend to a Black man, and some mild glorification of suicide. I can’t say I recommend it.
Body Snatchers – I more or less enjoy this as its own thing and as a continuation of the 1978 Philip Kaufman film. There’s an underage dating situation I don’t love, but Meg Tilly is an absolute icon and I fully believe she is a pod person. The score is great, it’s well-paced, and the child acting isn’t too unconvincing. I’m not trying to watch it again anytime soon, but between the 89 minute runtime, Meg Tilly, and an amazing green screen pod child descent, I still enjoyed myself watching.
Sphere – Imagine a hot mess of a two hour movie. Imagine a white male psychologist deadnaming a computer alien and telling it to use its words. Imagine an unnecessary romantic subplot between a doctor and his former patient. Imagine Queen Latifah getting killed by a swarm of jellyfish. Do I need to go on? Yes! Imagine gaslighting Sharon Stone. Imagine all the most intense moments of suspenseful action being resolved offscreen. Imagine the arrival of Jerry. Sphere leaves a lot to be desired in terms of plot, pacing, and special effects, but unlike TBBM, I kind of enjoyed getting to experience the chemistry and relationships among the characters. Maybe it’s the all-star cast, maybe it’s the genuine giggles in the scene where they’re all breathing helium, but this movie had a charm in it. It might not have been enough to counteract its other failings, but it did keep me entertained.
Scanners – I honestly really liked this movie after I sat with it for a little bit. Have you recently gained an interest in the sins and ills of the American healthcare industry for some reason? Even if you’ve seen Scanners, I’d recommend giving it a watch with fresh eyes. Cameron Vale, played by quirky king Stephen Lack, has a condition which causes constant, inescapable, chronic distress to the extent that he has been homeless basically his entire life. He’s forced to choose between siding with a peer who has become radicalized by his chronic pain, joining a glorified peer support group, or working for the corporate system that was just fine letting him be homeless and in distress until they had a use for him. It reads as a condemnation of the healthcare and pharmaceutical industries and leaves the ending – and the protagonist’s choice – up to the viewer to judge.
Watch List 48% watched (212/445). Last updated 12/31/2024.
This Week’s Sunday Scratch-Off Is…
Jaws! Well hey, this is one I haven’t watched! I made a note as I was watching Sphere that this might have to be the year I get into creature horror, so this random pick could not be more timely. Check back in on Sunday for my thoughts!
And until then, Dear Reader, the horrors may persist, but we’re gonna do it the Scanner way. I’m gonna suck your brain dry.
The Horrors Persist 
Leave a comment